I find that in my life, there are many unexpected things that come my way, and I can plan and prepare for the future as much as I want to, but no matter what I expect, chances are things will often not turn out the way that I plan. There are some certainties in life, but within those certainties are numerous uncertainties (for instance: we know we will experience successes and failures, but we don’t know which endeavors will result in success and which will result in failures at the outset; we are certain that at some point and time, each of our lives on this earth will end, although we are uncertain of exactly when that will happen; we know that in our lives, each of us will experience joys and disappointments, but we are not certain about which result will come from each specific experience…etc.) I struggle sometimes with the reality that the future is so uncertain…even in the midst of the certainties there are uncertainties. I think the struggle is an ongoing thing that I will face for the rest of my life, but what it ultimately reveals is a lack of confidence in the Lord. I this this is part of why Jesus makes it so clear in Matthew 6 that we are not to worry about the future. Each day has enough worries of it’s own, and when we begin to take the time to worry about what the future holds or what will come our way next, we remove our focus from the Lord and focus on our own concerns. Ultimately, all it does is cause us to waste the time that we have, and just as Jesus poses the question: “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
This has really been motivated once again by recent struggles at work. It’s funny, I found myself struggling like crazy with what God was doing with me at Target and why He had me there. Why wasn’t I serving somewhere vocationally within the local Church? I left Target in September and accepted a new position in sales 2 weeks before I got married. Now, when this happened, I was also interviewing for a position within a local church, and I honestly felt that God was opening the doors for me at the church. I thought for sure this was the right job and the right fit at the right place…but it clearly wasn’t what God had for me. The amazing thing is that I can see God’s faithfulness and His provision for me with this current job because it is through this job that the Lord is providing for Amanda and me and meeting all of our needs financially during this time when she is not able to work. The position has not been without it’s challenges, and I have been and still do face difficulties there. But what I have found to be consistent with these jobs, is that ultimately, God has led me to both of these jobs for multiple reasons. The obvious reason is that they both have been used by God to provide for us. But I think the greater purpose that God has had for me is within the opportunities that I have had to build relationships with both believers and unbelievers. These relationships and the ministerial opportunities have reminded me of why I feel so strongly called to impact the church and to serve the church locally. There are people that I’ve had opportunities to share Christ with, and believers whom I’ve had the opportunity to lift up in prayer and hopefully encourage (as I’ve also been encouraged and challenged by many of these people…”as iron sharpens iron”). In these jobs, which are both in secular environments, where the job responsibilities themselves might not necessarily be incredibly fulfilling, God is revealing his faithfulness and reminding me of what ultimately matters in the midst of all of the stresses and struggles in work. He is revealing that my ultimate fulfillment is never going to be found in my vocation, whether that vocation be within a full-time ministerial position or something different…my fulfillment is found in the very identity that I’ve been given through Christ. My fulfillment must be found in Him and I will never be satisfied in anything else until I recognize that.
I am still prayerfully looking into where God might be leading me next and always looking forward to opportunities to minister to people, but in the mean time…I want to recognize that in the midst of the uncertain future, I need to trust in the certainty of God’s faithfulness and know that He has a purpose in each and every situation to which He has led me. I’m praying for sensitivity to His Spirit, and an authentic desire to know Him more deeply.
In the midst of my struggles, I have to say that I am SOOO thankful to have such a supportive wife in my life. Amanda is incredible, and when I’ve come home struggling with difficulties I’ve been facing circumstantially at work or elsewhere, she has just been there to encourage and lift me up. She is truly the most amazing help mate for me and I could never express how thankful I am for her in my life!! I have many people that God has brought into my life to encourage and support me, but she has truly exemplified to me what a godly help-mate is to be…I don’t express that gratitude often enough or well enough, but I hope that she knows how much I appreciate her…
